I was sent an amusing model today to explain international economics and the challenges of international business. I can only apologise to the original author for not crediting this writing to you. Please feel free to drop me a line so you can bask in the glory of such entertaining writing. For me it’s a great way of explaining why marketing is different for each and every market in the world. There is no one size fits all model that works for everyone. This is one of the great pleasures of living and working in a world with such a variety of people, cultures, religions, food and so much more.

(NB JohnTP, one of the best parts of being in another country is trying out the food, even if it is scorpion…)

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you
want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the sh1t out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.